One of the reasons I am a loner is because I am an Empath. Even after 18 years in the craft, I sometimes still get caught by surprise when strong emotions hit. Like yesterday, after watching the Oprah show I needed a nap. I felt drained, and tired, I was distracted when I sat down to watch it and never warded myself, by time the show was over I needed that nap. I woke up feeling dirty, like I was covered in inky darkness; I felt like someone had used me as a punching bag, everything ached. I needed a white bath fast.
Of Course, none of this occurred to me, while I wrote yesterday's post, I was crying so hard I couldn't see the words on the screen. Afterwards I went to sleep I was so deeply wounded and exhausted. My empathetic abilities are severely strong. It has played a massive role in what movies I watch, music I listen to, & the books I read..
I get embarrassed by certain scenes in movies, (not that I'm a prude, but moments when a character is supposed to be embarrassed or even awkward moments, even sometimes the sex scenes because I can feel the actors' feeling towards each other) so much so that my family never lets me hold the remote when we watch movies, because I have been known to change the channel mid-scene to get away from the emotions. Can I tell you how many movies and shows this has ruined for me?? Everyone would love the movie and I'm like no they didn't fit together well, or whatever reason I just wouldn't like the movie; even when there hadn't been a shred of evidence that the cast didn't like each other or get along famously.
I don't watch the news because it just feels like one big wave of fear,anger, despair, and loneliness coming from the t.v. I sure don't watch horror movies, sometimes in the middle of action movies I get the urge to laugh because that was the emotion felt by the actor. Movies with rape, or sexual assault get a massive pass, because I can feel it, and after a while it can only bring you down more. I haven't read a lot of the Oprah's book club books because many of her books have the same theme, like "where the heart is" I never got to the end of the book because of the graphic details of one scene.
I just couldn't, there are so many other situations like this, that i have found it easier to withdraw from some people and situations. No matter how good my wards are I always feel the emotions especially in large crowds. This led to me being socially awkward at times, because there is nothing like knowing what the person talking to you is really feeling to kill a good vibe. Even now, when i work with people I can sometimes tell when they are lying because their emotions don't match what they are saying. So saying all of this you know how awkward it is when I get hit on by a guy who's really smoking and all he's thinking about is hitting and quitting right???
Back to the white baths (more on that later) for me a white bath is a saving grace. It includes cleaning the bathtub to get rid of any negatively, lighting white candles that have been charged for healing, smudging the room, summoning up the angels for healing, playing either ritual music or meditation music and taking a bath in a tub full of Epsom salt and charged essential oils to help clear away the negative or cloying feelings. Since yesterday was cleaning day I already knew the tub was clean, I just needed my Epsom salt and essential oils. I wash myself from head to toe including my dreads, and chant or prayer while doing so, I never really remember what I say but I always end with a blessing which I will share here:
Blessed is my mind which knows the mysteries of the Goddess
and is blessed with calm and clarity
Blessed are my eyes which see all she allows me to see
may I see the truth, and not the lies
Blessed are my ears, which hear the words of the Goddess
and hear the whispers of my elders,
may nothing I hear lead me from my destiny.
May I hear the truth and know it
Blessed are my lips that speak the words of the Goddess
May nothing I say harm another, or lead them from their paths
May I speak truth always
Blessed is my heart that beats to the rhythm of the inner mysteries
may it recognize love, give love and be love
Blessed my womb, that holds the future generation,
may I always have the strength of the Mother
and the ferociousness of the Maiden
& the Wisdom of the Crone within me
Blessed are my legs which guide my feet on this path
Blessed are my knees that kneel at the altar of the Gods
Blessed are my feet that walk the path of the Goddess,
may they guide me deeper into your mysteries,
and never stray from my journey.
my true destiny
Blessed am I, a child of the Goddess and God
May I be a Light and shining example for others to see
Surrounded and Protected by my Mother Goddess and Father God
I am Truth
I am Light
I am Love
I am Protected
I am Blessed
I then seal the blessing and quietly release any and all beings called to the ritual.. I would then (if it was spring or summer and early fall) go outside and put my feet in the ground (counter productive to a bath I know but it works) this aides in grounding me as, my property is also a part of my shield. if it's winter and it's not too cold I go for a walk around my neighborhood, and come back to myself, I may go to my woods and sit by the waterfalls, I unplug and allow myself the time to heal from such a moment, then I know that this is another thing (situation, emotion) that can slip in past my wards and can be better prepared next time.
I'm not saying this because I don't want to feel empathy or any of the emotions associated with dealing with yesterday's story, but such strong emotions will drain you and make it hard for you to carry on. It's one of the reasons many empaths who are untrained may become depressed or become addicted to things to aide in drowning out the sounds, feeling and impressions. Years ago before many knew there were websites for like minded people many who weren't able would unfortunately either be admitted to facilities to "help" them or some would take their lives. This is how I heal and protect myself, and I wanted to share for those who may also be like me and needed someone to let them know that it gets easier, but it's a learning process and it can easily have slip-ups too. I will post about the white bath later
Be Blessed my loves
May the Goddess and God protect and guide you
